


Experience is the name

by bunnysworld



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Jealousy, M/M, Romance, Sequel, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-29 05:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13919925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnysworld/pseuds/bunnysworld
Summary: A year later, the next film festival rolls around





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [Red Carpet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13764756).
> 
> "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes" Oscar Wilde

Arthur slowly woke up and stretched. Looking over, he couldn’t help but smile. There he was, his Merlin. After all this time, still there. 

That night, at the red carpet of the film festival, he had thought it was only a little flirt, a one-nighter if he were lucky. After he had finished work, he had packed his stuff and when he looked up, the man was still there, looking at him expectantly with his large blue eyes, his face all red and cold. 

They had left and went to the small pub across the street, having some soup and tea to warm up. Arthur thought that was it, the man had just gone with him to get his photos with the celebrities, but they had talked for hours and even though Arthur still couldn’t understand the fascination with meeting famous people, it had touched him how animatedly the man talked about it and laughed at the stories he shared. 

In hopes of seeing him again, Arthur had given the guy his business card after he scribbled his private number on it, too, but when they discovered they had to take the same tube to get to their places, they had exchanged glances and the man, Merlin, had just stayed in the tube, missed his stop and came along to his place. 

Arthur had almost been late for work the next day. 

That had been a year ago and Merlin was still here. He had basically moved in that very first night. Of course he still had his own apartment and sometimes, on rare occasions, went there, but most of the time, they lived in his place. 

Merlin stirred. “Morning.” He smiled that sleepy smile that made Arthur want to jump his bones and tenderly take care of him at the same time. It was amazing what kind of feelings Merlin was able to make him feel. Arthur thought that being in his mid-thirties and having lived a single life for the bigger part of that time, he wasn’t even able to care for another human being so much. 

Some days, all he wanted to do was protect Merlin from the world when he seemed to be the most delicate and fragile thing ever. Other times, he was amazed by how fierce Merlin could be and how hard he was fighting for things he wanted and believed in. Sometimes, he was just adorable when he pouted and was stubborn, even though he knew he was wrong about something. 

Many times, Merlin had modelled for him when he tried out new equipment and even though a lot of times they were just snapshots, it took Arthur’s breath away to see the photos. Merlin wasn’t only funny and passionate, he was downright beautiful. Of course, he had blushed, shook his head and made a gesture of dismissal when he had told him. 

“So, do you think that Smitherton will be on the red carpet tonight?” Merlin already scrambled out of bed. 

Rolling onto his back, Arthur tried not to groan. “Don’t know.” And don’t care either. It was his job, the thing he did to pay the bills. He was good at it, but that didn’t mean he had to be interested in the people he snapped pictures of while they were talking to the journalists or fans or whomever. 

“When will you find out?” Collecting a few clothes that he had tossed aside carelessly the night before, Merlin seemed to be in a too good mood for the time of day.

“Probably not before they will arrive.” 

Merlin stopped his actions and turned. “They don’t call you from the press conference, so you can get ready?”

Of course they did. Elyan or Sofia, who covered the press conferences – lucky sods, they could stay in a warm room while he had to stand out in the cold - always gave him a heads-up on who would be there, so he could look up their faces on google to know who he would have to focus on. And Merlin knew that.

“You know they will.”

“Then,” Merlin’s eyes started to shine, “You will send me a message, so I can get ready?”

Arthur closed his eyes and just nodded. He didn’t mind that Merlin came to the red carpets. He still didn’t understand what the appeal of having a photo taken with an actor or director or getting their signature on a piece of paper was and why Merlin was so eager to get them. Some days, especially during the film festival when there were several red carpets each day, Arthur couldn’t help but feeling as if Merlin was just with him to get the information first. 

Which was mean to think and not true at all, Arthur knew. If that was the case, Merlin could just have stayed in touch and asked him for info when the events took place. Merlin loved him, Arthur had no doubt about that. He couldn’t help but being jealous of the energy Merlin wasted on different celebrities. 

Just the other day, he had covered the red carpet event for a major movie with Gwen Smith. He had to admit she was a looker and very nice and approachable. That Merlin had talked about nothing else all day long had Arthur twitchy and nervous. The photos he took sure weren’t his best and he felt a bit guilty that he hadn’t even tried to make the actress look even better than she actually did. It was his job and he had his emotions ruin it. Nobody had said a thing, but when he had entered the agency the next day, there had been quite a few raised eyebrows. 

And now Merlin chattered on from the bathroom about this Smitherton bloke. Arthur had no idea who that even was and knew he needed to check on the internet, as usual. 

“Oh, you know who I’m talking about, don’t you? We’ve seen his last movie!” Merlin poked his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth. 

“Which one?” Arthur had finally gotten his feet in front of the bed, sat on the edge and rubbed his eyes. Merlin should know he wasn’t capable of conversations this early in the morning.

“The one with the cop who chased that guy across the country?”

“Ah, that one.” Arthur had no idea. 

“Come on!” Merlin vanished to spit and rinse and then looked back out. “The one with the shiny blue car you liked so much?”

“Oh! Okay. But…that was an action movie. What’s an action movie doing at this film festival?” He hadn’t seen many films at the festival over the years, but he knew that none of them were mindless popcorn movies. 

“This movie is about…”

Arthur didn’t really hear what Merlin was saying as his boyfriend came out of the bathroom in nothing but a white towel, using a second one to towel his hair that stood into every possible direction after this treatment. He was a sight to see. The long neck, broad shoulders and the slight dusting of chest hair…Arthur could never get enough of that. “Come here.” He reached for Merlin.

Merlin obliged, ran his hand through Arthur’s hair and smiled at him. “You’re going to call me when he shows up, right?”

Arthur nodded. Anything for Merlin. He pulled him down for a kiss, but Merlin put a finger on his lips and made a face. 

“Morning breath. Hurry, I’ll make breakfast.”


	2. Chapter 2

Of course, this Smitherton guy was there for the press conference, so chances were that he was at the red carpet, too. Oh, who was he kidding, of course he would be there, he was the big name of the film. Arthur had dutifully texted it to Merlin, who had appeared at the carpet not long after, secured himself a space at the front and had even brought photos of Smitherton along. Even though he smiled at Arthur a lot, he seemed very excited to get a chance to meet the actor. 

Arthur just wanted the evening to be over. He had looked the guy up on the internet and that had put a frown on his face. This guy was two meters tall and all muscly and had a kind face and of course Merlin fancied him. Now Arthur remembered the movie they had seen him in, too. Merlin had spent the bigger part of the evening gushing over him. If Merlin would get a selfie, Arthur would hear about it for the next few days, if not weeks. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to endure that. 

The action started and Arthur was busy taking photos and if he hadn’t been so angry at the tall bloke, he would have been able to admit that he really was a looker. His hopes that he would at least be an arsehole were shattered when Smitherton just shouted a ‘Just a moment’ at the journalists and went to sign and smile for selfies for the fans first. That was a genuinely nice move, he obviously remembered that he didn’t owe his success to the press, but to the people who bought tickets to his movies. 

Arthur took photos of everyone else, too, but couldn’t help keeping an eye on the tall actor. He had a couple of nice shots of him, so Merlin would be happy, if he got his selfie or not. 

Someone from the festival organization went over and pulled the man away from the fans to finally lead him to where the journalists were waiting and he shrugged apologetically and did his job. And that was what Arthur did, too. He took a few photos of the female lead of the film, Freya something or other, a petite brunette and the director of the film, whose name he had forgotten already. Then it was time for the group shots and Arthur caught a few nice ones. The agency would be pleased. 

Then he noticed that Merlin was still standing there, holding his pen and printed photos, his camera dangling on his wrist. Oh, he hadn’t gotten his selfie. Part of him felt sorry. It was kind of unfair that the actor had signed and smiled for so many people, but had been pulled away before he could get to where Merlin was cramped in between others. Another part of him felt relieved and he knew that was mean, but he couldn’t help it. 

When all the official photos were done and Arthur thought that this was over and the official people would enter the theatre to open the film, the tall man turned.

“Wait, I’m not done signing yet.”

Someone told him sternly that they didn’t have time left for that now.

“Why?” The man grinned. “Will they start without me?”

Without listening to what he was being told, he went back to the fans who squealed with delight and shouted his name to get his attention. 

Arthur raised his camera again. He knew that these photos would be worth gold. Most of the other journalists had left or packed their equipment already, so he was probably the only one who would have the photos of the actor who valued his fans like that. He clicked away and caught the moment Merlin was beaming up at the man. Of course he got his selfie and his signature, all of which Arthur captured with his camera. 

Finally, everyone had entered the building and slowly the crowd thinned. Arthur went over to where Merlin stood.

“Isn’t he just fantastic?” Merlin’s beam nearly split his head in two. 

“That was pretty nice,” Arthur had to admit, even though he didn’t like the look on Merlin’s face. No, that was wrong, he usually loved that look on Merlin’s face. He just didn’t like the reason for it being there at the moment. “Listen, Merlin, I have a few more minutes of work here. Do you want to go home already? It’s fucking cold tonight…”

“Nah,” Merlin bounced on his feet. “I’ll just wait for you, here at the corner where the wind isn’t that cold.” He pointed. 

“Are you sure?”

Merlin nodded and blew him a kiss. 

It was just a tiny gesture but the anger raging through him subsided a bit. He would just upload his photos to the agency as they had insisted he’d send them right away and then take Merlin home, get some nice take-away on the way, curl up on the couch and hold Merlin until he had warmed up again.


	3. Chapter 3

When Arthur was done, he shouldered the bag with his equipment, dug his hands into the pockets of his jacket and left the building. He stopped in his tracks. At the corner, right where he said he would be, stood Merlin, but he wasn’t alone. Next to him stood a tall man in a long coat and laughed at something that Merlin had said. The tall man was no other than this Smitherton bloke! Arthur felt his shoulders tense up. 

“That’s really funny! You should write a book about your experiences. Hey, listen, I have to go back inside, they will miss me sooner or later, but…you know what? Just give me your number and I’ll call you tomorrow and we can discuss this a bit further.”

Merlin beamed and punched his number into the offered Iphone. 

Arthur couldn’t believe it! Merlin was freely giving away his phone number! He wanted the man to call him! His body moved on his own and he walked over. “Merlin! Are you done? Can we go home?” He completely ignored the good-looking man. 

“Arthur! Percy, this is Arthur, I’ve told you about him. He took all the photos on the red carpet. He’s a great photographer!”

Arthur merely nodded.

“Oh, I’ve noticed you. Nice meeting you. I hope you made me look good. When it’s so cold, my ears go all red and my face starts getting blotchy.”

Arthur’s facial expression didn’t change. “It is indeed cold. Maybe you should go back inside where it’s warmer, so you look all good for your audience?” His voice was as icy as the temperatures around them. 

Percy laughed. “You’re right about that, I should go back. It was good meeting you. And Merlin? We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

Merlin beamed. “Okay.” He looked after Smitherton until he had vanished inside the building. 

Arthur started walking towards the tube station. 

“Hey, wait for me.” Merlin quickened his steps and closed the gap. “Did you hear that? He’s really interested in my ideas. I hope he’s really going to call. Can you believe it?”

Arthur stopped. “No, I can’t believe it, Merlin. I can’t believe that you let yourself get chatted up by this guy. Yes, he’s an actor, but he is just a man and he was clearly interested in you. You should remember who you were waking up next to for a year now. If you want to change that, just let me know.”

Blinking, Merlin looked at him all puzzled. “What?”

“You were flirting with him. Full force! If you want him, feel free to go back there. Just let me know, so I don’t have to guess.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, now you’re playing all innocent. Is that how you did it? Maiden in distress? Making cow-eyes at him at the red carpet all the time. Of course he noticed and came back, let his audience wait to get you your selfie and tell you to wait for him!”

Merlin just stared at him, but Arthur couldn’t stop himself. 

“You weren’t waiting for me, you didn’t want to go home already because you were waiting for him! You were so infatuated that you didn’t even remember that I would show up sooner or later!” Arthur didn’t care that people around them heard him, that he was making a scene. It hurt so bad that Merlin would just flirt with anyone who was a celebrity and used him to get to them. 

“Arthur!” Merlin frowned. “You’re making a fool out of yourself.”

“No, YOU are making a fool out of me and it’s got to stop! So…make your choice. Now.” 

Merlin stared at him for a moment and then his shoulders slumped. “If you think that’s what it is…doesn’t the last year mean anything to you?” He almost whispered.

“It does! That’s why I’m so angry now.”

“I thought you knew me better.” Merlin turned and walked to the nearby bus station. 

Arthur didn’t move for a long time. Not even after Merlin had climbed on the bus that just approached and was taken out of sight.


	4. Chapter 4

After a while, Arthur just took the tube home. He was a bit surprised to not find Merlin sitting in the corner of the couch, sulking, but obviously he needed a bit more time to see the error of his ways and come back to apologize. 

Arthur was still angry. How dare Merlin use him like that? He only wanted the info on where the actors would be so he could finally hook up with one. What if Merlin was with this Smitherton bloke right now? 

He didn’t even have to go through his photos again. He knew that Merlin was all wide eyes and big smiles when the actor had approached him. If he had to be honest, the guy was a looker. All tall and blond and short hair and tons of muscles. No wonder Merlin preferred him. Arthur was blond, alright, but he wasn’t as tall as Merlin and even though he wasn’t fat, he was built a lot stockier and probably not what Merlin liked after all. 

Another hour had passed and Arthur poured himself the fourth drink and glanced at his mobile. No, he wouldn’t call Merlin, he would come around eventually. And if not, it was better to end it right here and now and not drag on for months. Arthur brought the bottle over to the coffee table, sat on the couch in the almost-dark and downed his drink.


	5. Chapter 5

He had no idea how he had gotten into bed, but that was where he woke up when the cold February sun tortured his eyes, even behind closed eyelids. Groaning, he turned around. Fuck, his head hurt and it was probably late already. Carefully blinking at the alarm clock, it showed him it was almost noon. Fuck!

Arthur didn’t have to be at another event until 8:30 but he needed to make a few calls and get all the info he needed for the night, clean his equipment, recharge all the batteries, the usual stuff. But he couldn’t move. Merlin still wasn’t back. 

Slowly, Arthur pulled himself up and padded to the bathroom. When he sat on the loo, still too sleepy and hung-over to really function, he looked at his mobile again. Tons of messages, but none from Merlin and no missed calls from him either. Alright, he needed to face the fact that they were over. For some odd reason, that hurt so bad that it made it hard to breathe. 

Somehow, Arthur made it through the day and managed to do his job in the evening. He went through the event like on auto-pilot and if someone asked him later, he wouldn’t have been able to tell them what he had been taking photos of and if there had been any special things happening. 

“Damn, Arthur!” Elyan threw him a look. This had been a bigger red carpet with more people, so the agency sent Elyan out, too.

“What?”

“You look like shit, what’s wrong?”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Arthur shook his head. “Just feeling a bit low.”

“You’re not coming down with something, are you? Come on, Arthur, we can’t afford that. Not during the film festival!” Elyan plugged his camera into his laptop to send his photos to the agency. 

“That’s not it.” Arthur didn’t feel like talking. All he wanted was to go home and bury underneath his blankets and shut the world out.

“What is it then? Oh, wait, that’s a hangover! Why didn’t I notice before?” Elyan grinned widely as he teased. 

“Yeah, probably.”

“Was it at least a good party?”

Arthur finished uploading his photos and packed up. “Not really.”

“Want to get a tea over there to warm up?”

It was a casual question but Arthur knew that it was Elyan’s offer to talk. They had been co-workers for about two years, but it came with their profession that they weren’t all that close. Usually, everybody was on their own, aiming for the best shot, competing for the best photo. Him and Elyan had covered so many events together, though, that Arthur almost considered him a friend. A rare thing that he didn’t have too many of. “Alright.”

When they were seated in a little niche, their cold fingers wrapped around hot cups – tea for Elyan, coffee for Arthur – Elyan made casual small-talk for a while.

“Come on, Arthur, something’s killing you, spit.”

Taking a deep breath that he exhaled very slowly, Arthur looked at his coffee. “Merlin left.”

Elyan sat his cup down so hard that it made a rather audible noise, even in the packed place. “What? Why? Damn, Arthur, what happened? I’m so sorry.”

Slowly, Arthur started recounting the events of the evening before. He might have exaggerated on the parts where Merlin flirted with this actor and down-played the little hissy-fit he had thrown, but… “That’s basically what happened.”

“Merlin did what? Come on, Arthur, you must have misunderstood that. He’s head over heels for you, why would he do such a thing?”

“He just used me to get to them. He knew I get such info.” Arthur sighed again. “He hasn’t even texted or called.”

“Have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Texted or called him? He’s probably just waiting for a word from you.”

“Why would he? He’s out having fun with this guy.”

Elyan shook his head. “I doubt that. Want me to call him?” He reached for Arthur’s mobile.

“No.” Arthur squared his jaw. 

“Don’t be like that. You’re miserable and I’m very certain so is he. Have you tried his flat?”

“No, I had work to do. I can’t run around London because Mister Celebrity-Hunter finally got what he wanted.”

Elyan looked at him for a while. “How can you believe that?”

“I never understood why he is doing it.”

“Because it’s fun. Fuck, Arthur, it’s why I picked this job. It’s thrilling to meet those people and see what they are really like, even though for just a few moments. It’s not like I want to jump everybody’s bones just because I stand next to them or get to take their photo.”

“What are you talking about?” Arthur frowned.

“Let me…” Elyan tried to think of something. “You like footie, right?”

“Sure thing.”

“You go to the games, right?”

“When my schedule allows it, yes.”

“You put on the jersey, are up in the stands, sing with the others, cheer and so on?”

“That’s what you do when you’re a fan.”

Elyan looked smug. “And you like having your photo taken with the big sports stars.”

Arthur couldn’t deny that, he was all proud of his collection, so he nodded. 

“See? Same thing.” Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Elyan leaned back and smirked.

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of putting on a jersey, Merlin gears up with his photos and camera. He cheers for the actors and is happy when he can get their autograph and a selfie. He’s having fun being in a crowd with people who like the same things.”

Arthur frowned. “But that’s totally different.”

“Why is it different? You take your season pass, he has his sharpies. You cheer when your heroes show up, so does he.”

“But…”

“Come on, Arthur. You’ve been together for how long? A year? Has he given you any reason to doubt him in that year? Was there a single night he didn’t come back to you?”

Elyan’s mobile beeped, he frowned when he checked the message and got up. “Gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, he gathered his things, wrapped the huge scarf he had along around his neck and left.


	6. Chapter 6

“Merlin? Come on, Merlin where are you? Stop pouting and talk to me.” Arthur knew that probably wasn’t the best approach, but when he came back after talking to Elyan, he had called Merlin. Seven times so far. He hadn’t left messages the first three times, hoping that Merlin would see the number and call him back. Then he had asked him to call him, but there was no reaction. This was call number seven and Arthur got desperate. 

Elyan had been right, Merlin had never reacted that way. What if he Elyan was right about the rest, too? Arthur would never understand how it could be the same that he went to see the footie and Merlin did this, but no, he never wanted to just hook up with any of the players like that. Maybe Merlin…

But then the image of how brightly Merlin had smiled at the tall man and freely gave him his number came back to his mind and Arthur swallowed hard. He couldn’t compete with this guy. If this was what Merlin really wanted, he would have to set him free. Merlin deserved to be happy. 

Arthur felt miserable as he sat in the dark. 

His mobile rang about an hour later and Arthur jumped, knocking it off the coffee table at first. “Merlin?”

“No,” a man laughed. “I’m not Merlin, but he gave me your number. Hi, this is Percy. Percy Smitherton.”

Arthur blinked and a cold fist grabbed his heart. Did Merlin send his new boyfriend to finally break up with him? That would be low and would hurt even more.

“We’ve met last night. Sorry for the late call but since you cover the film festival, I thought you might still be up. I hope I didn’t wake you?”

“No.” What on earth would the guy want from him? 

“Listen. While I was getting some fresh air – you know those events can be deadly boring and I never stick around to watch my own movie, I know how it ends anyway –“ Percy chuckled again, “I saw Merlin standing there and he had been so polite at the red carpet that I started a conversation.”

“A conversation.” Yeah, more like chatting him up, right?

“He said he was waiting for you and so the topic turned to photos and…to make a long story short, I need a few new photos and I’ve looked you up on the internet and found your website with the studio stuff you do and I really like what I saw. My management usually sends me to the established photographers and most of their stuff is just boring. You have a refreshing new approach, I’d like to work with you. Can we meet and talk about the details?”

Arthur, who hadn’t contributed much to the conversation so far, kept silent for a moment. He had expected a lot of things, but surely not that. “Merlin gave you my number?”

“Yes, I called him this afternoon.”

It felt like someone punched him in the stomach.

“Is he alright? He sounded a bit off?”

“So you actually want to talk to Merlin?” Why hadn’t he called him again if he was so worried? Why was he calling him? And Merlin had sounded off? 

Percy laughed again. “No. If I want to talk to him, I can call him. I wanted to talk to you, I want to work with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t really know what’s going on and it’s none of my business,” Percy took a deep breath, “but if it helps… I’m going to get married at the end of the year. Gwaine would have my hide if I did anything stupid and he is definitely worth not doing anything stupid. Your Merlin is a very nice man, but all we did was talk a bit while he waited for you. The way he talked about you made me smile and reminded me a lot of myself when Gwaine and I first got together. So…maybe I should call you again in a few days? When you sorted this out?”

Arthur blinked. Had he been so obvious that a total stranger noticed? And what he said sounded a lot like Merlin. The Merlin he knew, not the one he suddenly thought he was last night. “I…I’d appreciate it. Listen…I have to find him, I gotta go.” Arthur just hung up and didn’t care if this guy ever called him again. Working with an actor who had put out so many movies already would certainly boost his career, but that wasn’t important right now. All that counted was that he talked to Merlin.


	7. Chapter 7

Standing in front of Merlin’s door, Arthur didn’t know what to say. He had rushed over, trying to call Merlin, but Merlin hadn’t answered. Before he could decide if he should knock or call again or just shout, the door opened.

“Merlin!” Arthur was so relieved. For long moments he had feared that Merlin had probably done something weird or wasn’t even there. Merlin didn’t look good.

“I heard that you were on your way here, what do you want?”

“I…Merlin, it’s so good to see you, I’ve missed you so much!”

Merlin blinked. “You switch from ‘you liar who wants to fuck other men’ to ‘oh, I’ve missed you’ so quickly it gives me whiplash.” 

Usually, they both would have laughed at such a comment but Merlin didn’t even smile. 

Arthur scratched the back of his neck. “I messed up pretty badly, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did.”

“I…I know now that nothing happened. I was so jealous.”

Merlin blinked tiredly. “You have a weird way of apologizing.”

“I know I’m not done with that yet. I felt so miserable when I saw you laughing with this gorgeous man and then you…”

The lights in the staircase flickered to life again and a neighbour came up the stairs, looking at the two of them curiously. 

Merlin stepped away from the door and let Arthur in. He didn’t go to the living room, though, and they were just standing in the entrance. 

“I’ve…maybe I’ve overreacted a bit. I saw you laughing and then you give him your number and I just saw red.”

“A bit…” Merlin frowned.

“Alright, more than just a bit. But he called me…”

Merlin hadn’t moved. “So?”

“He explained, after Elyan said…”

“It needs two people convincing you that I wouldn’t do such a thing when you don’t believe me?”

Arthur took a deep breath. It sounded even worse when Merlin said it. “I’m an arse.”

“Yes, you are.” Merlin sighed. “And I don’t like you very much right now.” He shook his head slightly.

“I don’t like myself right now.” It was true. Whatever he had felt, one look at Merlin and Arthur hated himself for doing this to Merlin. 

Merlin stayed silent. 

“Well,” Arthur started. “I should probably go and…I just want you to know that things went wrong that night and…”

“You can’t even say it, can you?” Merlin looked at him with those big sad eyes of his.

“What?”

“That you’re sorry. You can’t even apologize. Arthur, I can’t be around you at the moment. I thought we had something special, something that was stronger than footie and movie stars. I…I need time to think…”

Arthur swallowed hard. He had never been good with apologies and he had hoped that Merlin would accept the poor one he just had made. He couldn’t even be mad that Merlin didn’t want him around right now, he had brought it upon himself. To imagine being without Merlin was too painful, though, and it took his breath away. 

Merlin just looked at him.

“I…I understand.” He did, he really did. If Merlin had pulled this number on him, Arthur would probably never want to see him again. He reached for the door handle. “I just want you to know…I couldn’t…and still can’t…stand the thought of you being with someone else. I…I love you.” With that, he left. 

He had never said those words to anyone, not even to Merlin in the year they’d been together. They were true and every step that took Arthur further away from Merlin was more difficult than the one before.


	8. Chapter 8

The days dragged on but Merlin didn’t show up at any red carpet until the end of the film festival. Arthur had taken extra care of texting him all the names and dates. His messages went unanswered. 

He dreaded the moment the film festival was over just as much as he wanted it to be done. It kept him busy, so he didn’t have to think too much about the situation he brought himself into. Then again, everything reminded him of Merlin and he kept searching for the well-known face at every red carpet he had to cover. He walked through the city from venue to venue, his eyes searching the crowds, always hoping Merlin would be amongst them. 

The end of the film festival not only meant some down time. He had planned to take Merlin away for a few days after that so they could spend some quality time together after a very hectic couple of weeks. Now, he had time to think. 

Just as he left the agency where he had returned a few pieces of equipment, his mobile rang. 

“Hey.”

Merlin!

“Hi.” Arthur couldn’t breathe. 

“Erm…I just wanted to say thanks for sending me all that info.”

“Oh, that’s alright. I thought you probably wanted to know.” What was this about? It was so good to hear Merlin’s voice.

“Yeah…I didn’t go.”

“I know. Are you alright?” What a dumb question. Merlin didn’t sound remotely alright. 

“Aside from the fact that my boyfriend is an arse? Yeah…” 

“Merlin, I…I’m sorry.” Had Merlin just called him his boyfriend? Maybe there was hope? “Can we…can we meet somewhere and talk?”

He heard Merlin swallow hard at the other end of the line.

“That’s not what I’m calling about. Listen, Arthur, Percy really wants to work with you. It’ll be good for your career, you should call him back.”

Oh…Percy again. The bloke this all had started with. Arthur couldn’t blame him, though, it was all his own fault. 

“Is he there with you?” He couldn’t help it. The thought of Merlin and the tall actor made his blood boil. 

“You can’t leave it alone, can you?” With that, Merlin had ended the call.


	9. Chapter 9

“It’s not big, but this is where the magic happens.” Arthur ended the tour of his studio. He hadn’t spent too much time in there since the film festival. 

“It’s very nice. I hate those huge studios where it feels like 100 people are running about while you have to concentrate on looking a certain way.” Percy shoved his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. 

“I have a make-up artist who can come by if you don’t have anyone that you want here. And of course you can bring someone along, if you want to, but it shouldn’t be more than one other person. The space, you see…” Arthur made a gesture as he said the sentence he had told so many others before. 

Percy nodded and smiled. “I usually don’t get nervous at photo shoots.”

Arthur tried not to make a face. “Sorry, I keep forgetting that you are used to them. Most people relax when they have a friend along.”

“I like what you are doing. You make people feel comfortable. You wouldn’t believe how often I’ve entered a studio where the photographer didn’t even introduce themselves. So…”

Soon they were emerged in a discussion about their ideas of what made a good portrait photo and Arthur couldn’t help himself. Percy had some good ideas and was open to his suggestions. He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. 

“If you still have some time, we could do a couple of test photos?” 

Percy nodded. “Sounds great. I also like the pics I’ve seen that you have done outside, but it’s pouring today, so I reckon that is out of the question.”

“If the set-up is right, we could do some great stuff in the rain, but that would need a bit more preparation. And a bit warmer weather, too.” Arthur wasn’t going to ruin his camera like this. “How about, you just sit down here…” He hauled a chair into the middle of the studio. “And I’ll adjust some of the lights and then we can start.”

While he was busy with the lights, Arthur tried to be as professional as he could be. Percy had called him again to talk about this and Arthur knew that he was still in contact with Merlin. He was itching to ask about Merlin, but this here was business, he couldn’t mix that with anything private. It had been almost three weeks in which he had texted Merlin once in a while, just a nice photo or a funny caption he found somewhere on the internet, the announcement that one of Merlin’s favourite authors would read and sign at a book store and, when he felt very bold, the photo of two tickets to a movie he knew Merlin had waited for. Arthur had been waiting at the cinema, but Merlin hadn’t come. He hadn’t dared going back to Merlin’s place. 

“Huh?”

Percy, who was lounging in the chair, laughed. “You haven’t heard a word I said, have you?”

“I’m sorry.” Arthur’s smile was forced. 

“I said if you are okay with it, I’ll text Gwaine to come here later. He should take a look at those couple shootings you’ve done and see if he likes them as much as I do.”

There was a proud look on Percy’s face.

“Err…you know…I actually don’t do weddings.” This was something Arthur just didn’t like. He had tried when he had started out as a photographer. But one part of the couple was never satisfied with the photos, no matter how well everybody looked in them and it was a lot of work that didn’t leave any room for corrections. When the cake was cut, it was cut. You didn’t get a second chance to take a good photo of the moment. 

“I thought more along the lines of some nice photos for our house. Or for the invites or so. Don’t mind me, I’m just thinking out loud.” Percy changed his position when Arthur finally picked up his camera.

“That’s a good idea. Text him, it’s interesting to try to capture the dynamics of a couple on photos.” Arthur bit the inside of his lower lip. He had been a part of a couple not too long ago and his own jealousy had ruined everything. He tried to hide his face behind the camera and took a couple of photos to see if he had the right settings. 

Percy, who knew the procedures, pulled his mobile out of his pocket and started typing away on it, not in the least bothered that Arthur took photos and the flash went off again and again. 

They made small-talk, Arthur giving some instructions once in a while and the number of photos grew. Percy didn’t need many instructions, they had been talking about the photos and as someone who was used to being in front of a camera, he was relaxed and didn’t freeze up when the flash went off or Arthur asked him to turn his head this or that way. 

Arthur was surprised. He had tried to tell himself that Percy was just a nice face and kind gestures – those couldn’t be denied, this guy was almost too nice for this world – but Percy gave him so many facial expressions that were very intense and was able to switch between them so effortlessly that it was a joy to take photos. 

When he had to re-do the lighting or check the exposures at the laptop, they easily talked about this and that, ranging from the weather to the political issues of the week. And Percy liked footie. 

“So, do you play or are you just watching in front of TV?”

“I loved to play and when I get the chance, I go out to the park and kick the ball around, but that’s difficult these days. Sometimes I get away with watching a game at the stadium.”

Arthur looked at him. He’d always thought that movie stars had it easy, but obviously people didn’t leave them alone when they were out privately. “Hey, if it helps, find me at the games. Maybe that will keep the people away?”

“Sometimes Gwaine comes along, but the more, the merrier. Maybe M…” Percy caught himself. 

Maybe Merlin wants to come, too. Arthur was sure that this was what Percy hadn’t said. He shook his head. “When Christmas and Easter occur on the same day AND hell freezes over, that’s the day Merlin wants to come see a footie match.” It was close to impossible to watch a game with Merlin around. At the stadium, he wandered off, getting beer and snacks. In front of the TV, he commented on the players’ jerseys and asked how long it would still go on. But those days were over. Merlin wouldn’t be around to annoy everyone at a football game anymore. Arthur missed it.   
“Sorry, I shouldn’t…but you obviously miss him. Have you talked to him lately?”

For a moment, Arthur wanted to tell him that it was none of his business, but this guy had been nothing but nice and it wasn’t his fault. “No. I went to his house about four weeks ago. He said he can’t be with me.”

“I’m sure he just needed a bit of time.”

“He didn’t react to anything I’ve sent him since then.” It was difficult to say it out loud. Somehow it was a lot more real when you didn’t just think it.


	10. Chapter 10

They heard the front door open. “Hello?”

“In here, Gwaine!” Percy’s face lit up and Arthur cursed himself for not having the camera at the ready. 

A guy with longish dark hair came in and crossed the room, his eyes set on Percy and thereby totally ignoring Arthur. “Hey, love.” He leaned in and kissed Percy gently. 

Arthur’s heart ached. 

The man turned around. “Hi, I’m Gwaine.”

“Arthur,” he introduced himself. “Nice meeting you.”

Gwaine nodded. “Likewise. Or maybe…well…”

“Not so nice?” Arthur’s eyebrows shot up. They’d only just met, what had he done to the bloke?

“Gwaine, be nice.”

Arthur was confused. What was going on? 

“Listen, man,” Gwaine frowned at him. “What you did to Merlin…”

“Merlin? What about him?” Arthur blinked. How did Gwaine know Merlin? 

“Oh, come on, you can’t be that dumb! He’s out there, miserable, you need to do something.”

Arthur blinked again. “He said he doesn’t like me anymore. And I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Who was this bloke that he had the nerve to say something like that?

“You really are that dumb.” Gwaine crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

Percy had gotten up. “Arthur, Merlin is just waiting for a word from you. He was pissed off, he still is, but he’s miserable and he misses you.”

Arthur stared at Percy and then at Gwaine. “You know Merlin?”

“Yes, I do. Have known him for quite a few years. But that’s not important right now. I said ‘He’s out there’, which part of that didn’t you understand?” Gwaine turned to Percy. “Is he always this slow?”

“Out there?” Arthur echoed.

“In my car, in front of the door. He might have gotten bored and wandered off, though, why are you still standing here?”

Arthur wasn’t. He was already on the way outside. Merlin had come! Maybe he got a chance to talk to him. He rushed down the stairs, pulled the front door open and stopped. There he stood. Leaning against a car, his hands buried in the pockets of his warm winter coat. 

“Merlin,” he whispered. 

When he looked up, Arthur’s heart jumped. Merlin was here! He was looking at him and nothing else was important. 

“Hello, Arthur.”

“It’s good to see you.”

“Mmmh.”

“I didn’t know you knew Gwaine.”

Merlin shrugged and Arthur was at a loss of words. 

“I got your messages.”

Arthur nodded. “I’ve been waiting at the movies…”

Merlin threw him a sideways look. “Oh, that was an invitation?”

“Well,…yes. I guess you saw the movie already.”

“Haven’t. Didn’t feel like going.”

The door opened.

“They haven’t killed each other yet.” Gwaine grinned and stepped out onto the sidewalk.

“It’s a lot warmer up there, why don’t you go and talk upstairs in the studio?” Percy suggested as he pulled the collar of his jacket up. 

Arthur looked at Merlin. “Would you?”

“You really need to work on your communication, Pendragon.” Merlin pushed himself away from the car and followed.


	11. Chapter 11

“It’s raining again.” Merlin stood by the window in the little room where Arthur greeted his customers and let them look through the books with his exemplary works and looked outside. 

“They forecasted snow.” 

Arthur stood about awkwardly. Merlin was here. He couldn’t believe it and all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and hold him tight. The way Merlin had wrapped his arms around himself and turned his back on him told him that this wasn’t a good idea, though. 

“I’m sick of winter.”

Smiling, Arthur went to the mini fridge and opened it. This was the time of year Merlin got antsy; he waited for spring and had enough of huddling by the heating. “Want a soda or rather a tea?”

“Soda’s fine, whatever you got.”

Arthur brought two bottles over and set one of the small table next to the couch. “Thanks for coming.”

“I…Arthur…” Merlin turned around. “I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“Don’t go.” Arthur panicked. He had no idea what to tell Merlin, but he didn’t want him to go. If he left now, it might have been the last time he’d seen him. “It’s so good to see you, but…Gwaine?”

Merlin threw him a long look. “Sometime there are almost too many coincidences for them to be coincidences anymore, it seems.”

Frowning, Arthur waited.

“I didn’t know that he and Percy are together. Did you know they’re about to get married?”

Arthur nodded. “Percy mentioned it. But…how do you know Gwaine?”

“Arthur?” It sounded like a warning.

“No, I just mean…” 

Merlin took a sip of his drink. “We’ve met at a convention a few years ago. A writer’s convention. He’s a professional author by now. He wasn’t back then.”

Nodding, Arthur waited for more. He knew that Merlin wrote a story or something once in a while and always talked about writing a novel. He hadn’t known that he had gone to conventions and such.

“There were lots of workshops on how to write, what to do when you get stuck, how to break writers’ block and what to do when your characters do things you didn’t intend to happen. That’s where we met. We attended the same workshops and decided to go for lunch together. It’s not like he is a close friend, but once in a while he sends an email, which is kind of nice.”

“So you knew he is with Percy?”

Merlin shook his head. “No, I didn’t. I don’t dig into the personal lives of the people I go to see at a red carpet, you know?”

Ouch. Arthur couldn’t look at Merlin. 

“It was kind of comical, though. Percy called to get your number and all of a sudden I heard this familiar voice in the background, yelling about talking to me. It was Gwaine. Small world, isn’t it?”

It was good to see the small smile on Merlin’s face. 

“So your friend is with a movie star.”

“My friend is with the man he loves. Gwaine couldn’t care less if Percy won an Oscar or if he made a living as a binman. He actually thinks the whole acting things is quite funny, so he never comes along to the official events, says they are ridiculous.”

Arthur started liking this Gwaine. The official events were ridiculous. Even though they secured a big part of his income. 

“It was Gwaine who talked me into coming here today.”

“Really? He seemed quite hostile.”

“Well…” Merlin took a deep breath. “We’ve been talking quite a lot in the past days. When Percy set up this appointment with you…”

“He only came here and pretended to want photos so Gwaine could bring you over?” Arthur was confused. That would mean…Merlin had some really good friends. 

“No! No, that’s not how it is. Percy wanted to work with you before he even knew anything. He likes your work, Arthur.”

Arthur didn’t know what to say. He’d almost ruined it again. “I’m such an arse.”

“You are.” 

Was there the tiniest of smiles at the corners of Merlin’s lips?

“I’m sorry, Merlin. I’m so sorry.”

“Took you long enough.”

“I thought…and then I saw…and…I don’t want to lose you.” He had thought all those things and everything that happened just added to what he had previously thought. Only that he had thought the wrong things. 

“And you chose not to believe me. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?” Merlin had gone back to wrapping his arms around himself.

“I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you.” He felt miserable. He had been so worked up in his jealousy that it almost hadn’t mattered that he hurt Merlin. 

Merlin sighed. “What are we going to do now?” 

“If I could take it all back, I would. I can’t, so I can only apologize.”

“There is so much more you could do.” Merlin looked stubborn.

“Yes?” Like pulling you close and never letting you go?

“Promise to not let your jealousy take over again? To believe me when I tell you something? To let me have my hobbies like I let you have yours?” Merlin turned and looked at him again. “To talk to me when you think something is wrong and not just explode?”

Damn, he had done all those things. He had tried to stop Merlin from doing something he really liked and just acted on impulse instead of communicating. He nodded slightly. “I can at least try?”

Merlin relaxed visibly and the tiny smile showed on the corners of his mouth again. 

“What’s so funny?”

“You know, Arthur. If you had promised just like that, I know it would have been a lie. You can’t promise because you are a jealous git and you will question my fascination with the world of the rich and famous again and again. That you are willing to try means a lot more.”

Arthur couldn’t help but returning the smile. Merlin was right, he was jealous. He needed to protect what was his and he would continue protecting Merlin if Merlin let him. He could work on communicating, though, and he really was determined to do so.

“Are you…are you giving me another chance?” His heart was beating hard in his chest. 

Merlin looked at him. “I’ve tried to live without you. I was miserable. That year with you was the best of my life and…after what you said when you were at my place that night…”

As if he could forget what he had said. “I do. I love you.” It was true. He had never felt like this for anyone he’d met. 

“Let’s give this another try, alright?”

Arthur felt the surprised laugh building up deep inside his belly and couldn’t hold it back as it bubbled up. He didn’t even know why he was so surprised after all Merlin had said. He just felt so relieved. 

Merlin didn’t laugh, but there was a wide smile on his face, too. 

“Can I…” Arthur closed the space between them and just kissed him. Merlin wrapped his arms around him and held on tight as he returned the soft kiss. It felt so good holding Merlin in his arms again, feel the warmth of his body, just having him close. 

When they broke for air, Arthur couldn’t keep the goofy smile off his face. “Can we go home now?”

Merlin shook his head. 

“What?” He let go and the joy he had felt before was gone. “Why not?”

“I had a lot of time to think.” Merlin reached for him. 

Arthur swallowed hard. Hadn’t Merlin just said that he wanted to give them another try? Why was he breaking it off again now?

“I think we went a bit too fast last year. I basically moved in with you right away. We didn’t know each other. I think it would do us good if I stayed in my place first. We can date like normal people.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Probably Merlin was right, but they had been together for a year, almost living together the whole time. They knew each other. “You mean,…”

“Yes, like real dates. Drinks, movies, theatre, walks, take me to one of your boring footie games and let me drag you one of the readings I like to attend, stuff like that.” Merlin smiled. 

They had done those things before, so…oh. They had seen each other every day, they didn’t have time or distance to miss each other. They didn’t have to trust each other in the time they weren’t together as…they hadn’t been apart, Arthur got it. “And then…”

“If it works out, we can actively decide to move in together, yes.” 

“You’re crazy, Merlin, but I love you.” Arthur laughed. 

Merlin smiled back at him and leaned in for another gentle kiss.


End file.
